Dumb jock? Hardly.

Breslow

How is it that I didn't hear about this dude who's referred to as the smartest man in baseball until...now?  (Smart and not ugly.  I'd even go with "pretty cute."  And smarts make him cuter!)  Craig Breslow, where have you been all my life?

Despite the fact that he's played for one of my favorite teams (Minnesota--of course, that was back in 2008, when I was just becoming a Twins fan...and when I also harbored the silly notion that the only players worth noticing on the team were Mauer, Morneau, and Nathan), I wasn't aware of this BILF's existence until today.  And how might I have discovered him, you might ask?

Because he made a parody video of the Rex Ryan/foot fetish thing.  And it's freakin' funny as hell.  Check it out here.  (Smarts, cuteness, and a sense of humor?  *swoon*)

Plus, reading up on his 2010 stats, I've figured out this guy's not a bad pitcher.  I guess this gives me a reason to actually pay attention to what Oakland's doing this season (never thought I'd have a reason to say that)...


Merry Cliffmas!

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Happy Halladays, Merry Cliffmas, and Roy to the World to Phillies phans everywhere and to all the BILF Reporter's readers!  I hope you find 35 pieces of Cole in your stocking on Christmas morning, even if you've been a very good boy or girl.  ;)

If you're looking to get into the holiday spirit Phillies-style, this is a must-read!  Thanks to the fine folks at the Phillyist for writing this funny-as-hell Phillies version of "The Night Before Christmas," appropriately titled "A Visit from Saint Cliff."


He's ba-aaaack!

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Holy crap!  This whole time I'd been hoping the "mystery team" everyone was wondering about being in on the Lee bidding was the Twins, who desperately need reliable starting pitching.  But no--it was my Phillies!  And for all the times Ruben Amaro Jr has pissed me off, I now think he's the second coming.  Seriously.  Next year we'll have a rotation of Halladay, Lee, Hamels, and Oswalt?  Pinch me--I must be dreaming!

I'm so excited I can hardly sleep, but tonight instead of counting sheep, I'll be counting the days until pitchers and catchers report.  As if I needed another reason to be excited for the 2011 baseball season, right?  Can't wait to see Cliff Lee back in a Phillies uniform...again!


I miss baseball.

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I do.  I miss it sooooo freakin' much.  *How* many days until pitchers and catchers report again...? 

Speaking of catchers, I got my Joe Mauer bobblehead in the mail today (thanks, Mom!).  And yeah, I'm nerdy enough to be so excited about this that I've actually taken a picture of it on my baseball shrine.

I've also been doing a bit of work on my offseason goal, which is to get Joe Mauer to sign something for me!  The baseball cards I've ordered should be arriving soon, and then I will write Mr. Mauer a kind note asking him to please sign an autograph for the biggest Twins fan on Long Island.  I've got my fingers crossed...  :)


Two weekends of Twins!

So last weekend I went to see some Phillies/Twins interleague play.  At first I was like, "Oh boy!  I am GUARANTEED to have one of my two favorite teams win each game!"  Which is wonderful until I considered that in order for that to happen, one of my favorite teams would also be a guaranteed loser.  *sigh*  I went to last Saturday and Sunday's games, and in both cases, the Phillies lost.  But I had a grand time anyway, and here's the proof, in pictures...
Before Saturday's game, they had the Phillies take the field with their children to play a dads-vs-kids game.  I have to say that the Hamels family is simply adorable:

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And doesn't Cole look like he really enjoys being a daddy?  :)

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While watching the Phillies families on the field, I got to meet twins backup catcher Drew Butera (who hit his first major league home run later that day, by the way!), who undoubtedly thinks I'm an idiot for not catching my baseball when he threw it back to me.  Oops.  ;)

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Once the Phillies were off the field, I went to watch the Twins warm up.  Here are Tolbert and Hudson.

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And here are Morneau and Hudson.

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I thought I was dreaming, but Justin Morneau came over to the fence to sign autographs!

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Here I am with Morneau (well, it's the back of my head, anyway).  He was really nice and very humble.  I thanked hi for having such an awesome year and told him I picked him first for my fantasy team, and he grinned and thanked me.  (By the way, he has the most AMAZING blue eyes.  Wow.)

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The Phillies ushers were kind enough to let those of us seeking Twins autographs stay by the fence a long time.  I was still down there when the national anthem was being sung.  And what a view I had for the national anthem...

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It was a good thing I stayed down there.  After the national anthem was over, I saw Tolbert headed toward the dugout.  While everyone else was yelling for Span or Cuddyer to come on over, I called out to Tolbert.  I was the only one who yelled for him, and as soon as he heard his name, he looked at me, briefly conferred with a coach, and then trotted over to sign autographs--I thought that was very nice!
 

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The next day, I went down to the fence to see who else I could meet before the game started.  Here's Morneau, Tolbert, Cuddyer and Hudson warming up.

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The bullpen was also out warming up.  This is Ron Mahay--I got his autograph, too.
 

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I don't have pictures of them, but I also got Matt Guerrier, Jesse Crain, and Scott Baker to sign my baseball.  Baker totally gave me a bit of a weird look since I was wearing a Phillies shirt with a Twins hat and handed him a Phillies pen to sign with.  He's cute, so I'll forgive him for that...although I'm not so sure I can forgive him for imploding yesterday against the Mets.  (I was at yesterday's game too, but wasn't trying to meet anyone.  I did, however, get burnt to a crisp.  Hey, at least I'm Phillies red now!)
Here are the baseballs I got signed at the Phillies/Twins series.  I had Morneau sign one ball, and the other 6 Twins signed the other one.  Seriously, I've been fighting the urge to sleep with the Morneau signed ball under my pillow.  ;)

 
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Bootylicious!

Move over, Miss Cleo.  Want to be able to tell a baseball player's future?  Look at his ass.  Yes, seriously.  According to this article, a baseball player's ass can help a scout determine whether that player's gonna be a good prospect or not--and apparently, curvier is a bit better ("Kids with flat butts generally don't fill out much. Kids with a curved butt will add strength to their frame").

Now we know why Halladay, who was discussed in the article, is so damn perfect...he's bootylicious!  ;) 

Next time one of your friends makes fun of you for staring at a ballplayer's ass (What?  This doesn't happen to you?  Just to me?  Oh well...), you can legitimately say you were just trying to gauge how good of a ballplayer he'll be.  Right?  Because isn't that exactly what you were doing?  ;)

(Thanks to LIEBCHEN, a phellow Phillies phan, for sharing this article with me!)

Recap and photos: ALS Night 2010

So ALS Night/the Phillies' Phestival at Citizens Bank Park was pretty fun this year.  During the Phestivities, I got to...

* Meet Mr. Perfect, Roy Halladay (my dad met him, too!).  He was really nice, very down to earth, and absolutely GORGEOUS in person.  TV/photographs do not do him justice.  He's got amazing blue eyes and a seriously perfect smile! 

* Meet Cole Hamels, who gets hotter every year, and give him a hug.  He told me it meant a lot to him when I said he was my favorite Phillie! 

* Get a big hug from Phoebe Phanatic--the Phanatic's mom

* Meet Ross Gload (looooooovely spiky hair) and Chad Durbin--both of whom were very nice and VERY attractive!

* Take pictures of many of my other favorite Phillies, including CHUTTLES, Brad Lidge, Ryan "I fought the chair, and the chair won" Madson, and the Flyin' Hawaiian.  I also got a baseball signed by JC Romero in a grab bag I'd bought.  All in all, a really fun night (and all for a good cause, too!).  Now if only those Phillies (besides Doc, who was literally perfect!) could get their act together and, like, score some runs...that'd be awesome.  I know there are names for fears of crossing bridges and walking under ladders...is there a word to describe "fear of crossing home plate"?  Because I think the Phillies may be crippled by that silly fear lately...

Hamels pitches tonight.  Let's go, BILFy McBILF!!!!  Let's go, Phillies!



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The Good, The Bad, and The Stupid (and, as always, The Hot)

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It's been a wild past few days for us Phillies fans, huh?

The good: Taking 2 out of 3 in this past weekend's series with the Mets.  Combining Saturday's and Sunday's runs, we had 21...to their 5.  Love it!  Santana got shelled (love that, too).  Victorino hit a grand slam.  Doc was incredible, and Moyer put forth a pretty solid effort (who'd have thought he'd outlast Johan the Great?  AND be the guy that gets walked so that a run scores?)  Beautiful.  Just beautiful.

Of course, there's the bad: We got our asses handed to us on Friday.  Kendrick still sucks.  And people like this moron infested my lovely city of Philadelphia all weekend long.

And then there's the stupid: Ryan Madson, I'm looking at you.  Kicking a chair out of frustration and breaking your toe?  STUPID.  Also, moronic Phillies fan who ran onto the field and got Tasered?  Between you and Vomiting Phillies Fan from a few weeks ago, you're making us ALL look like jackasses.  (We're not all jackasses.  But the nice/cool Phillies fans don't seem to make many headlines.)

And, finally, the hot: We saw the return of Brad Lidge, and damn, have I missed watching him!  He didn't implode, which is also hot (not that he really had a chance to, though).  And the hottest thing of all?  In 20 days, I'm gonna be meeting COLE HAMELS.  I got my Photo Booth ticket in the mail yesterday...I'm already so excited/hyperactive/etc!  *squeal*  Yes, I know, I've met Hamels before.  But he's still hot, and so I want to meet him again.  I cannot believe I have almost 3 weeks to wait!  At least between now and then I'll be going to a Twins game, which will temporarily distract me from Hamels-related hyperness (although hopefully I get my voice back in time to meet Hamels...screaming at all the gorgeous Twins can really take its toll on one's throat, you know!)

Right now both of my teams (Phillies and Twins) are in first place.  Not by much, but by enough.  And hopefully they both keep kickin' butt...  :)


Yay!

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On a day when there's been lots of crappy baseball news--players behaving badly, club presidents dying--it's nice to see a little ray of good baseball news.  Cliff Lee's suspension has been rescinded (his fine has been, too).  He looked good in the simulated game he pitched last week, and it looks like the Ms are aiming to have him back on the Major League mound in very early May.  Can't happen soon enough, in my opinion...and I swear I'm not saying that just because he looks so fetching in his Mariners jersey.  ;)  I happen to be K-poor on one of my fantasy teams, and I need him back on the mound getting me strikeouts!