Dear Phillies:

Perplexed_cliff

Your number one fan (that'd be me) is going to move to Minnesota if you don't get your asses in gear.

And I mean "asses in gear" only in the sense of how you're performing; many of you have very nice asses that are otherwise in gear, and by that I mean I enjoy watching them...

BUT ONLY WHEN THEY'RE ATTACHED TO PLAYERS WHO WIN GAMES.

In case you haven't noticed, you're not winning many games lately.  To a large degree, I blame the pitching.  Pedro did a great job in his last start, and Hamels seems to have gotten his act together, but Mr. BILFalicious Lee has apparently decided that maybe the team needs a new Adam Eaton and that he should do the honors.  (OK, it's not that drastic...yet.  But it could be.  If he wasn't so hot, I might actually be hating him after Friday night's disaster.)  Don't even get me started talking about Brad Lidge.  Also don't get me started talking about a few of the injuries that this team has been afflicted with lately (any Mets fans who are reading this are probably laughing hysterically at that last line.  SHUT UP, METS FANS).  I wish Happ could have pitched today's game--but really, the problem wasn't with the starting pitching.  Moyer did a decent job, and then Park went and screwed it all up.

And as for the Phillies who don't pitch, do we need Ryan Howard to re-teach you all how to hit home runs?  (Except for you, Rauuuuul; we can't complain about your efforts on the field today.)

I'm hoping Happ gets better soon, that Utley's foot gets better, that the bats wake up again, and that our pitching quits sucking (Brett Myers for closer, pretty pretty please?).  I know that's a tall order, but that's what needs to happen.  It's September now; you guys are usually good in September.  Let's not be choke artists like our division rivals have been the past couple years, OK?  That would be really, really embarrassing.

Regardless, if you guys don't quit sucking, I swear I'm gonna move to Minnesota and root for the most attractive team in the American League.  Yeah, the Twins might be 7 games out of first place in the AL Central, but they're just as hot as you guys (especially Mauer and Morneau!), and they've actually won a few games lately.  And if you guys continue to play the way you've played all weekend long, the Twins may end up having a better record than you guys do, and that's kind of a scary thought...

But it's a potentially accurate one.

So shape up, fly right (not fly out), and pleeeeeeease...

Quit sucking. 

And don't let the "Lights Out" one anywhere near the mound.  At least not 'til November.


Lots of love,
That BILF Girl

Just one more reason Cole Hamels is awesome...

Hamels

You may be surprised that I, the Future Mrs. Cole Hamels, would post a nice picture of Cole with the Current Mrs. Cole Hamels.  I actually like Heidi; from the interviews I've seen her do on TV, she seems like a cool, smart chick.  She's the kind of girl I'd probably want to hang out with, but she'd probably not like me a whole lot because I ramble on too much about how her husband looks like a sexy panther when he pitches.

Anyway, one really great thing that Cole and Heidi do is they've created The Hamels Foundation, a charitable organization that enhances educational opportunities to children in low-income areas of Philadelphia.  Now their efforts are being recognized--Cole is up for the 2009 Roberto Clemente Award!

Click here to vote for Cole Hamels to win the 2009 Roberto Clemente award!  (I've gotta admit, I'll be voting for Hamels most of the time, but I'm going to have to slip another favorite BILF, Joe Mauer, a couple of votes too!)