Dear Cole:

Cole

Last night was Halloween.  I get it--you wanted to show up at the game in costume.  I'm just wondering why, exactly, you chose to dress up as Adam Eaton.  If you wanted to dress up as someone else who had been in the Phillies organization, you could have picked, say, Steve Carlton.  That would have been a very good choice.  Or, if you were going for the good + attractive factor, you could have picked Cliff Lee.  He was right there in the dugout the whole time; I'm sure he would have happily let you borrow his jersey.  Then you'd have been dressed in costume as a pitcher who doesn't suck, and Lee would have been shirtless.  It's a win-win scenario.  (Not that you know much about wins lately...)

You used to be my favorite BILFalicious Phillie, but dude, I'm really starting to get pissed at you.  If your shitty game last night ends up being the turning point that helps the Yankees ultimately win the World Series, then I suggest you start preparing another costume--preferably one that involves wearing a bag over your beautiful face.

Love and kisses,
Cliff Lee's biggest fan (because he doesn't suck!),
That BILF Girl