Oh, Shane...

If you wanted to invite somebody douchey to your wedding, you could have invited me.  Granted, I am not a douche on a regular basis, but had you invited me to your wedding, I would have gotten tipsy and gaily tossed myself into the laps of your attractive friends, especially if they happened to be professional ballplayers.  So, see, if you want douchey, I can totally provide it.  If you needed the douche factor, you didn't have to invite freakin' Jon Gosselin to your wedding.  I guarantee I clean up better than Jon Gosselin does (I can rock a Betsey Johnson dress like nobody's business!), and I can also guarantee that one of your friends would have had a really, really good time that night.

*sigh*  Shane, I am so very disappointed in your complete and utter lack of taste.  But, oh yeah, congratulations on getting married and all that!  Here's hoping you have better taste in wives than in wedding guests.