That BILF Girl's Ten Commandments for Playoff Baseball

10. Thou shalt not jinx.
This means you don't ever use things like "When we" or "When my team" and "win(s) the World Series" in the same sentence. Except in that sentence, of course, which was for demonstration purposes only.

9. Thou shalt keep wearing that "lucky" playoff article of clothing until your team is done in the playoffs.
Yes, even if it stinks or is dirty.  Same deal for (ew!) playoff beards.  You wear it 'til they win or they're eliminated.  And if nobody else wants to be around you in the meantime, that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

8. Thou shalt make amorous comments about favorite-team BILFs who do good things.
In this case, it's totally OK to be lustful.  If Ryan Howard drives in a run, that makes him even hotter than he was five minutes ago, when he wasn't driving in a run.  It's OK--encouraged, actually--to then send text messages to your friends announcing that you'd like to bang the hell out of R-Ho.  He's earned it.

7. Thou shalt not feel guilty about scaring people with playoff-related screaming.
You've gotta cheer on your team.  Loudly.  Unless the cats are hiding under the bed, your children are crying, and your neighbors are descending upon your front door with torches in hand, you're really just not being enthusiastic enough.

6. Thou shalt not throw things at the televsion during the game.
Remember, you'll need that TV in case your team advances to the next round of playoffs.  Breaking the TV is not an option.  Not even if Lidge is pitching in a really frightening way.

5. Thou shalt not care that October will be a completely unproductive month.
Productivity?  That's what November's for.  You know, while football's on.

4. Thou shalt not taunt fans of losing teams.
This is especially true if said fans are exes, ex-hookups, or any other kind of ex-anything.
And even more true if it's your team that beat their team.  This is one facet of...

3. Thou shalt not breed bad baseball karma.
Be nice to everyone.  Don't be an asshole fan.  Don't be an asshole in general.  Don't mock people whose teams are not as talented as yours.  The Baseball Gods are watching...

2. Thou shalt not covet thy opposing-team BILFS.
For example, it's totally OK to make comments about how you'd really, really like to make out with Huston Street, but only after he's done allowing your Phillies to beat the Rockies and advance in the playoffs.  Opposing-team BILFs must be seen as SCUM and POOP until your team beats them, even if they really are totally hot.  Loyalty to your own team (and its BILFs), and all that.

1. Thou shalt never stop believing.
This one's the hardest one to do.  You've gotta keep the faith, keep cheering hard, and believe in your team even when the outcome seems near-hopeless.  After all, someone's gotta win the Series...and if your team's in the playoffs, they've at least got a shot.  So believe in 'em, dammit!